


Whatever the game console, as long as you can play to your heart’s content, play it

by Messalla



Category: Gintama
Genre: Alternate Universe (AU), Anal, Implied Mpreg, Lots of nagging, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Reverse wakashudo, Superior taking advantage of subordinate, Yato physiology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-17 04:09:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12357141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Messalla/pseuds/Messalla
Summary: Fed up by Abuto’s insistent nagging about the Yato’s status as an endangered species, Kamui decides to indulge him in his quest for population increase.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you’re not a man’s wife, don’t nag him.

_Inspired by this[artwork](https://static.zerochan.net/Gintama.full.1009568.jpg)._

.

.

“All I’m saying,” Abuto drawled, “is that you need cut it out. Seriously, your bad habit is killing us faster than a frog kills flies.” He spread his arms a bit to emphasize his point. “Our forces were already halved when you decided to pay your debt to that Takasugi bastard. It was cut into half again when you decided to help out the Little Miss save that damned planet Earth from those Tendoshu crows. Now you want to cut us into half again to whip the Harusame back into shape? Don’t make me laugh.”

There was no visible expression on Kamui’s face as he stared at the bright round planets that were getting smaller and smaller at each fraction of a second.

“If we keep getting halved again and again, eventually there will be nothing left to cut into half anymore, you bonehead!”

Seriously, the Yato were a rare species to begin with, scattered throughout the universe and without an inhabitable homeworld to return to. It was bad enough that their blood was already diluted by the blood of other species. But Kamui’s constant thirst for battle decimating their ranks was making things worse.

“Captain, yo,” Abuto implored, “if you are so concerned about the state of other planets and a pirate organization, why don’t you think more about the state of our own people? We’re an endangered species, you know.”

When Kamui turned to face him, Abuto flinched. The Captain’s idiotic smile was there and he couldn’t tell if Kamui was already pissed off to the point that he would kill anything that breathes.

“Abuto, if the half of the half of the half of the half of the half will be halved, the result would be?”

 _Crap! A Math quiz!_ What an unexpected attack. How many halves was that again?  “Is it one-eighth? No, no, no! It’s one over forty.” That seemed wrong. “One over fifty?”

Before he could divide correctly, the Captain had already left.      

.

.

Another platoon of Yato warriors were laid to rest on the mother ship’s crematorium. Instead of lamenting, the surviving tribesmen rejoiced. The sacrifices of the dead resulted into the Seventh Division taking over the entirety of the Harusame itself.

Due to the recent chaos caused by Utsuro and the bloodshed caused by infighting among the ranks, the surviving eight Divisions clamoured for order and fully surrendered to Kamui’s leadership. It was indeed a glorious moment for the Yato, even more than it had been under Housen. The future had never looked brighter.

However, Kamui noticed that one clansman didn’t look as pleased as the others. After a few bottles of alcohol and three measly plates of food, the familiar mop of ash brown hair disappeared away from the banquet hall. Kamui followed him quietly. As expected, Abuto ended up at the small altar paying respects to the dead.

For the life of him, Kamui couldn’t understand why his former Vice Captain, now Vice Commander, always grieved too much each time any of their comrades died. Wars always claimed lives. And even if battles wouldn’t kill you, disease, accident or old age eventually would. Abuto seemed not to understand that basic fact of life.

“We weren’t halved this time,” Kamui announced with a smile. “These guys were not even one-twentieth of our forces.”

Abuto only sighed and lighted an incense candle.

He would never admit it but Kamui hated that resigned, unhappy look on Abuto’s eyes. Fists clenched, he took the smoking candle and extinguished it on Abuto’s forehead.

“Hey! That’s for the dead, you bonehead!”

Kamui broke the incense sticks and pulled on Abuto’s hair hard until he had dragged his Vice Commander away from the urns. Abuto belonged to the living, not to the dead. If the dead insisted on monopolizing his attention, Kamui would kill them all over again.

.

.

After the ranks were reorganized, the Harusame resumed its operations with Kamui as its absolute Commander and the former Seventh Division as the Supreme Army.

Despite their high status, they still took part in the fun aspects of pirate life. Just like before, they laid waste to some planets, massacred some species in favor of the more cooperative ones, and sold their contraband merchandise to the highest bidders.

Kamui smiled at his Vice Commander who tore at their enemies with gusto, eyes shining with a murderous glint characteristic of his Yato heritage.

“Please be gentle with us. We’re an endangered species, you know.”

.

.

Moments later, they were on some planet populated by sentient creatures that looked like Yato except for their hairless lavender skins, big elephant-like ears, and the varied dots on their foreheads. As usual, some of the tribesmen went off to the brothels and had their fill of the best women they could find while the others went gambling. As usual, Kamui didn’t partake in the fun, preferring to have his fill of the planet’s cuisine instead. It was way below the standard of Earth’s food but it was still good.

As he munched and slurped, Kamui asked Abuto the same question that had always annoyed his Vice Commander. “Why aren’t you joining the others? Do you still miss the DS?”

Abuto’s forehead vein throbbed. “It’s the Megadrive. And even if I do miss her, it won’t matter. You already killed her.”

“Too bad.” Kamui chewed on a particularly hard meatball that would break an Earthling’s teeth. “You really did like her.” Objectively speaking, when fully restored to her sane state, Miss DS Megadrive Kada-hime had been a first-rate seductress. Because of that, Kamui decided to end her before she had the chance to ensnare his Vice Commander.

Sighing tiredly, Abuto drank his wine instead. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it doesn’t. She’s dead now so it’s best if you forget her.” Kamui slurped some more of the weird purple noodles. “Anyways, even if she’s alive, you won’t be able to get pure Yato babies with her. She’s a Shinra, not a Yato.”

 “Honestly, it wouldn’t have mattered to me.” Abuto shook his glass a bit until the purple wine’s bubbles disappeared for a while before reappearing again. “Yato women are rare. The only ones I know are my mother, my sister, your sister, and Ungyou’s grandma. All of them are off-limits or just plain disgusting so _she_ would’ve been okay.”

Kamui belched. “Well, she’s dead now.”

“Thanks for reminding me, Commander, yo.” Abuto chugged his wine down and poured himself another glass.

“You’re welcome.”                                              

Kamui smiled. Abuto had already finished fifty bottles of purple wine and his cheeks were now a bright shade of red. Knowing how easily he got drunk, ten more bottles would knock him down. Kamui listened to Abuto’s usual speech about the bleak future of the Yato race.

“It’s such a shame our men are enjoying lots of hanky-panky without actually trying to produce babies. Even if our blood gets diluted, half-Yato babies are still Yato babies. Honestly, if we waste so much of our sperm without producing anything, forget being an endangered species. We’d be extinct.”

Kamui munched his food some more. What Abuto said was true. Even so, did he have to say the same thing over and over again? It was really annoying.

“Commander, yo,” Abuto slurred, face already slumped on the table. “Why don’t we enforce a rule? All Yato members of the Supreme Army must get married and produce one child within this year under pain of death.”

Kamui ignored him and called on the waitress. “I’d like five roasted scorpion-lobsters, ten wolf-bear stews, and twenty more bottles of wine, please.”

Looking at Abuto’s stupid figure mumbling unintelligibly, Kamui remembered the late Housen, his mentor whom he had always regarded as a shrivelled old fart weakened by his desire for one Earthling woman. The old man had warned him about the emptiness of his chosen path but at that time, Kamui had brushed him off.

_“There isn't anything I want. There isn't any reason for me to look back. I only see what's ahead. A new battlefield spreading before my eyes...I strive to become stronger than any other person, to become stronger than anything, even if I have nothing left to protect when I get there.”_

He bit at the meat in his grasp and glanced at Abuto’s smooth, fair skin covered by sweat and wine.

_“There isn’t anything I want.”_

He caught a faint glimmer of Abuto’s wet lips.

_Something I want._

Before he knew it, something hard was struggling to escape from his pants. _Oh my._ Seemed like he had to swallow his own words now.

.

.

His head wasn’t aching but when he tried to get up, Abuto felt numb all over. It wasn’t because of a hangover. It was because of something extremely strong pinning him down. It was snoring loudly and slobbering on his clothes like crazy. He sighed.

“Commander, yo. Will you please get off me? Hey, Commander. I’ll kick you, you damn brat.”

Kamui lifted his head and wiped the drool off his mouth using Abuto’s cape. “Ah, Abuto. You’re awake. You smell like drool though. Are you okay?”

“That drool is yours, Commander.”

“Ah yes, I noticed.” Kamui got off and pulled Abuto along with him.

Something caught Abuto’s nose. He smelled the air some more until the his eye caught the source of the scent – a white and sticky puddle on his right thigh. Since he was fully clothed and his clothes were completely dark, the stain looked quite prominent.

“Commander, yo.” Abuto’s eyebrow twitched. “What the hell is your semen doing in my clothes?!”        

Kamui had the nerve to act innocent. “Huh? It’s your clothes, right? Everything in there is yours.”

Abuto sighed. “Please stop messing with me. You can jerk off all you like, but couldn’t you have shot your load somewhere else? And you could have wiped this off earlier with a tissue or a rag or whatever. It’s totally disgusting.”

Kamui only smiled. “Since it’s disgusting, why don’t we wash up? I hear the hot springs here are quite nice.”

Abuto wanted to explain how walking on the streets with semen and slobber on his clothes would make him look like a total pervert. However, he was still sleepy as hell and managed not to say a word. Before he knew it, Kamui had dragged him to some bathhouse decorated with green and blue bioluminescent plants. The main attraction was its boiling purple water.

“Oi, oi, is this really a hot spring resort? Everything here looks totally toxic,” Abuto complained. There were no other customers around. Nobody in their right mind would bathe in something that looked like this.

To that, Kamui ripped his Vice Commander’s clothes off and pushed him head-first into the water. As Abuto gasped and floundered around to catch his breath, his Commander crouched and smiled. “Well? Is it toxic?”

“No. Not really, you bonehead.” Abuto quickly removed his footwear and held it away from the water. “Ugh! My boots got totally soaked too. What am I supposed to wear after this stupid bath?”

“You can always stay naked.” Kamui carefully removed his own clothes and settled onto the bubbliest part of the bathwater. “Ah. This feels so good.”

“Knock yourself out, you damn brat.” Abuto swam to the edge and placed his wet boots next to the remnants of his poor clothes. “You’ve really done it. You really hate me so much, don’t you?”

“Not you. Just your clothes.” Kamui dunked his head down the water before surfacing again. “Anyway, when will you stop calling me a brat? I’m eighteen now so by Yato standards I’m already a grown-up.”

Abuto gave up piecing his clothes together and jumped back to the boiling pool to enjoy the bath as a consolation. “Once a brat, always a brat. No matter how fast you grow, you’ll always be that cheeky little kid I knew back in Rakuyo.”

“That cheeky little kid is your Commander now.” Kamui swam towards him, nose blowing bubbles in the water. Abuto chuckled at the sight. So much for being Harusame’s most powerful figure. Kamui was still as immature as he was ten years ago.

“I know. You’re still a kid though. A prodigy perhaps but still a kid.” In his eyes, Kamui would always remain a child. The cute little rabbit he had taken under his wing and raised as his own. It didn’t matter if Kamui had rose to become his superior, a true King of the Night even more powerful than Housen. To Abuto, Kamui was his young charge, always was, always will be.

Kamui didn’t reply. Instead, he submerged his head below the water. Abuto assumed that he was trying to calculate how many seconds he would last holding his breath down there. Kamui had always done it since he was eight years old.

Abuto ignored the brat’s antics and tried to wake up properly as the sensation of the hot water sank deeply into his skin. It felt good and all but it also made him sleepier than before.

 _Cheh._ His eyes were starting to close involuntarily. He was only startled when something wrapped around his waist. As an experienced combatant, his first instinct was to attempt to kill it, whatever it was. But he managed to suppress that instinct at the last second when his eyes caught that familiar vermillion-haired head climbing over his shoulder.

“Commander, yo. What are you doing?”

The arms around his waist wrapped tighter than ever as Kamui’s torso rested on his back. As the brat’s head leaned on his right shoulder, Abuto felt something huge and hard pressing on his buttcrack. This wasn’t a child’s dick. It was an adult’s. An impossibly humongous one at that.

“What do you think, Vice Commander?”

If Kamui was trying to sound seductive, he didn’t succeed. Abuto was scared. “Ah, I get it now.” His voice was shaking a bit, his fingers trying to pry the Commander’s hands off him. “This and that need to be done in private so I’ll just scram off.”

“Oh no, don’t you dodge your responsibility,” Kamui breathed on his neck. “Your Commander is really hard right now. Take care of it, Vice Commander.”

Abuto laughed nervously. “Oi, oi, this and that aren’t part of the job description, Commander, yo.” _What the hell is this brat thinking?_

“Ah, it seems like you didn’t read your contract well.”

Kamui’s hands now travelled downwards. Abuto could only gasp as those strong fingers grasped his own member. _Why is this happening to me?!_

“The Vice Commander is obliged to perform other tasks and functions assigned by the direct superior i.e. the Commander that are otherwise not stated in this document. Duties and Responsibilities of the Vice Commander, Section B, paragraph ten.”

Abuto shuddered at the sensation of the Commander’s tongue swirling at the back of his ear. _When the hell did this brat learn to do that?_

“By the way, why are you shaking so much? I won’t kill you.”

“W-Well, this is scarier than getting killed.” Abuto shut his eyes hard as Kamui’s hand started pumping his cock. “A-Anyway, it doesn’t have to be me, right? Surely, you can pick a better-looking guy, right?”

To that, Kamui sucked his earlobe and bit it lightly. “Abuto, I’m a teenager with raging hormones. I don’t care about better-looking guys. I’m just hard right now. I can’t stop my instincts and my instincts are telling me to fuck you.”

 _Well, fuck._ Abuto couldn’t possibly argue with that. Kamui’s hand left his cock and he could only gasp at being lifted and hauled into the tiled edge of the pool. Lying on his back and looking at the Commander’s deep blue eyes, Abuto couldn’t help but remember an Earth video about a cheetah eating a gazelle. That predatory glint in those eyes…Kamui was going to eat him alive.

As Kamui climbed over him, Abuto tried to stall him as best as he could. “A-Are you really sure about this? Shall I stick it in? If I stick it in your ass, you’d definitely get sore and torture me afterwards. I don’t want a slow and painful death, Commander, yo.”

“Don’t worry.” Kamui lifted one of Abuto’s legs to make room for himself. “I won’t feel sore afterwards because I’ll be the one sticking it in you.”

_What?_

True enough, Kamui did stick his fingers in. Abuto bit his lip at the burning sensation. However, he couldn’t bite for too long as the Commander’s tongue pried his lips open and entered. With the fingers on his asshole and that slick tongue dominating his mouth, Abuto felt that he was being completely taken. However, it wasn’t a bad feeling. Much to his dismay, he was actually enjoying it, evidenced by his cock getting rock hard like never before.

When Kamui’s mouth left his lips to suck at his neck, Abuto tried hard to say something that could stop this nonsense. To his chagrin, all that came out of his mouth were moans and gasps. When Kamui spread his legs wide open and started pushing himself in, Abuto didn’t care anymore. Being filled by something larger than three fingers was a little painful but the pleasure that came with it was definitely worth it.

Before Abuto knew it, he was seeing stars. Those stars were decidedly as purple as the skies of Planet Indigo but they were stars nonetheless and they burned brightly. His mind had been blasted off somewhere else and he couldn’t even hear his own voice anymore.

Kamui licked his collarbone up to his neck up to his chin before plundering his mouth again. The thrusting had grown more and more accelerated, his breaths getting shorter and shorter. By then, Abuto knew he wouldn’t last long. Finally, the stars exploded and Abuto shuddered at the intense pleasure of it.

As his breathing started to stabilize once more, he felt his own release on his stomach. There were also those fingers pinching on his nipples, teeth biting on his shoulder, and that huge cock still pumping inside him. Abuto just closed his eyes. He was feeling so good he had no reason to complain anymore.

When he felt that hot liquid pouring inside him in tandem with Kamui’s young body collapsing breathlessly on top of him, Abuto found his voice again.

“Commander, yo. Aren’t you wasting your sperm on me? We won’t increase the Yato population this way. Be more considerate, will you? We’re an endangered species, you know. Plant your seed in a fertile soil where it can grow and bloom, not in some toxic wasteland where it will only wither and die.”

Kamui lifted his face and smiled.       

Abuto feared he had struck a nerve. When his Commander’s hands reached out towards his head, he closed his eyes to brace himself for the impending punch or whatever. To his surprise, Kamui only petted him, fingers running through his hair and tracing the sides of his face.

“Wither and die, huh,” Kamui murmured. “We’ll see about that.”

.

.

_tbc_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the Harusame is in full oversoul, not even the final form of the Spirit of Fire can stop it.

.

.

“Uh, Commander, yo. What’s this?”

Abuto looked at the five battalions of Yato lined up in the hall. Everyone was in military pose. However, there was no conflict that needed to be resolved and their expressions looked as bewildered as Abuto’s. The ever-smiling Commander ignored their confusion and addressed the clansmen.

“Ever since the destruction of our mother planet Kouan, every Yato knows the constant decline of our birth rates. The Harusame acknowledges that the less Yato there are, the weaker our forces become. Therefore, to address this problem, Vice Commander Abuto has devised a mitigating measure.”

“Oi!” Abuto yelled at the side. “I didn’t know anything about this!”

Kamui ignored him and carried on. “Everyone, today, we launch the Family Day Program. Each married soldier of the Supreme Army is entitled to have thirty days of paid leave annually to impregnate your wife and have one or more children starting this year. If you don’t have a wife yet, then get married as fast as you can.” The Commander smiled sweetly at the lot of them. “If you don’t take advantage of this program, I’ll kill you.”

Despite the Commander’s ominous threat, everyone seemed to be pleased by it. To be fair, Abuto was pleased as well but it was so unlike Kamui to be this concerned about the welfare of individual Yato tribesmen. He could sense there was something else behind it.

Then he remembered his own drunken mumbling during their sojourn at Planet Indigo.

_“Commander, yo. Why don’t we enforce a rule? All Yato members of the Supreme Army must get married and produce one child within this year under pain of death.”_

Abuto’s eye twitched. The damn brat had taken his words quite literally.

When Kamui turned to him, Abuto sighed. As Vice Commander, it was his job to put everything in order with the paperwork and all.

“Alright, men,” Abuto drawled. “The memorandum order will be disseminated later. Battalion Leaders, be in the conference room at zero nine hundred for an urgent meeting. Dismissed.”

.

.

As stupid at Math as Abuto was, he was very efficient in administrative matters. Kamui marvelled at the huge board that looked like a map at the center of the conference room decorated with color-coded push pins.

The new program was organized within the day and fully set to be implemented. The memo was immediately issued to everyone and the leave schedules already in place. The mapping ensured that the leaves didn’t affect an entire battalion’s job performance. At the same time, it allowed flexibility for the individual person to choose their desired leave time.

Truly, group cohesion did rely on the competence of its second-in-command. While the leader’s job was to inspire the followers and fire up their spirits, the second-in-command was the one actually running the organization and keeping everything in their rightful place.

When Abuto left the board and stood beside him, Kamui wasn’t the one firing up anyone’s spirits anymore. It was Kamui who had his spirits fired up in admiration for his Vice Commander’s job well done. The spirits within Kamui’s pants were fired up as well. However, the fired-up spirits were exorcised by the impossibly thick stack of paper laid before him.

“These are the FDP scheduled leave requests plus attachments for the entire year,” Abuto told him. “It only needs your signature now, Commander, yo.”

Kamui hummed a bit and stared at the stack. It was so thick that it could bury an entire platoon in it. Kamui shook his head a bit as he started to get dizzy. When his vision was stable again, he pointed at the stack. “Is that the stairway towards Laputa?”

“Laputa had already disintegrated,” Abuto reminded him. “Col. Muska fell with it, you know.”

“We can always rebuild it. We only need love to do so, said Col. Muska.”

“Please forget about Col. Muska and just carve your signature in the stairway, you bonehead!”

When his Commander only smiled, Abuto sighed. At that, Kamui’s nether regions began to stir again, his fired-up spirits breaking free of the paper curse. Now he felt so spiritually powered-up that he could feel an incoming rei gun. What was it with Abuto that made him so aroused over such mundane actions? And to think that he only noticed his attraction six years after he had his first wet dream. Kamui surmised that he must be a late bloomer.

Abuto however didn’t notice his Commander’s situation and continued his ranting. “Commander, yo, I do appreciate that you decided to take action to increase the Yato birth rates but this is just the first step. If you keep surrendering at every hurdle of the Hunter Exam, you will end up failing thirty-plus times like Tonpa. Besides, wouldn’t it be frustrating to remain a Genin when all of your other classmates are already Jounin? Even Shikamaru got promoted before the others. ‘So troublesome,’ he said, but he ended up becoming the right hand man of the Seventh Hokage. How mean is that?”

At last, Kamui couldn’t stand it anymore. His arms wrapped around his Vice Commander and silenced that blabbering mouth with his lips. The conference table sounded a soft thud as Abuto was laid down on it. The stack of paper fortunately didn’t collapse but it was the least of Kamui’s concerns.

“Forget about the exams,” Kamui whispered. “Let’s find the One Piece instead.”

Like the last time, Kamui could feel Abuto shaking a bit. Kamui grinned. If his Vice Commander thought that acting like a scared virgin would discourage the likes of him, he was gravely mistaken. When he inserted his hands under the thick cape to unclasp the complicated clothes like unwrapping the furoshiki of a bento box, Abuto gasped.

“C-Commander, yo. If someone comes in…”

Kamui bit at Abuto’s lip and squeezed that plump ass. “We’ll say we’re just taking advantage of the Family Day Program.”

“B-But, we’re not even family and we can’t produce a child this way – ”

Abuto’s complaints turned into moans as Kamui’s hand began squeezing his cock. Looking at that face in obvious arousal and yet trying desperately to deny that fact, Kamui was amused to no end. He was rock hard as well, his sword already in full oversoul. However, there was no rush for it. He had all the time in the world.

When he dipped his head down and forced that mouth open again for another kiss, Kamui’s hands ran over that hard, masculine body beneath him. This was like a ‘Guts getting taken by Griffith’ doujinshi scene. This was no longer yaoi. This was decidedly bara.

A buzzer sounding at the door woke Kamui from his high and he contained his own arousal down. Abuto hastily closed his clothes off and draped his thick cape over himself. Kamui only smiled and addressed the intruder. “Come in.”

The leader of the First Battalion entered along with his officers. They looked at Abuto concernedly.

“Vice Commander-dono!” yelled the Battalion Leader. “Your face is so red! What happened?”

Abuto looked so flustered that Kamui decided to answer for him. “He got burned by the Spirit of Fire. Do you need him for something?”

The Battalion Leader nodded in exaggerated understanding, eyes shining with emotion. “It can wait, Commander-sama. Vice Commander-dono’s health must be prioritized. Should we use the Healing Wind on him?”

“No need. I already have a Max potion.” Kamui pointed at the stack of papers behind him. “Can you please stamp my facsimile on this lot, Inouva?”

To that, the Battalion Leader saluted. “At once, Zagato-sama!”

.

.

Even when they were finally behind closed doors inside Kamui’s own private quarters, Abuto did his best to contain his voice down. What Abuto did not bother to do was count how many times the Commander came inside him. There was no way he could do that with his mind still as hazy as the fog of the Numele Swamp. All of his concentration was spent preventing a scream each time Kamui hit the spot.

“Don’t bite your hand anymore. It’s already bleeding.”

Kamui tried to pry his fist away from his mouth but Abuto did not relent. There was no way he could stay quiet without biting something. Even when his asshole was already as sore as hell, it was also as sensitive as heaven that each thrust sent him reeling. It didn’t help that the Commander’s thing was getting impossibly bigger.

“Are you hurt?”

Abuto shook his head and closed his eyes. He didn’t want to look at that pretty face and end up wallowing with self-pity. Kamui was supposed to be the young, petite and beautiful bishonen so Abuto was supposed to be the one fucking him, not the other way around. This was so unfair.

“Come on, stop biting it.”

There was no way Abuto would let go.  Not until Kamui stopped the thrusting.

“Please let go. I want to kiss you.”

In the end, Abuto had no choice but to let go and allow that slick tongue to ravage his mouth. When their lips meshed together, the thrusting resumed with even more vigor than the last.

“Don’t worry,” Kamui tried to comfort him. “Just think about the DS.”

Even with his mind and body fully submerged in maddening pleasure, Abuto managed to retort. “It’s the Megadrive,” he gasped. “Anyway, how the hell can I think about that when there’s huge joystick prodding at me? My hole is on fire!”

“Don’t blame the Spetsnaz.” Kamui pulled out almost completely before slamming back to the hilt. “It’s the Midwest Militia’s fault.”

With that strong thrust, Abuto’s vision turned all white. He couldn’t count the many pseudo-stars assaulting his vision but he was sure that there were more than the standard five. Even as he slowly descended back to reality, The Saints weren’t letting him go so fast.

When Kamui collapsed again on top of him, Abuto sincerely hoped that he would finally fall asleep. To his dismay, the Commander rose again and grinned. “I will glance into your soul.”

 _Cheh. If it’s all just really glancing, it would’ve been fine_. “Commander, yo,” Abuto pleaded. “Have mercy on me. The lotus is in the red already.”

To his chagrin, Kamui only smiled. “It’s alright. We still have some purifying embers left.”

_Damn brat._

.

.

“Uh, Commander, yo. What’s this?” For the second time, Abuto was confused. This time, there was no assemblage of Yato warriors staring back at him. It was a grim-looking, frog-faced creature in a lab coat.

“Is this your wife you told me about?” asked the frog.

Kamui scratched his head bashfully and smiled. “Yes, doctor.”

Abuto angrily smacked Kamui’s head. “I’m not your wife, you damn bonehead!” He glared at Dr. Frog. “I’m not his wife.”

Dr. Frog seemed not to hear him and croaked. “Okay, wife-san, please lie down.”

“I’m not – ” Abuto did not get to finish his sentence as the frog doctor took his cape away hauled him into the examination table. As he lay down, he nervously glanced at the strange apparatus blinking at him. _What the hell are these?_

 For a while, everyone was silent as the doctor connected some kind of wire with a flat end on the pulse on Abuto’s right wrist. As the screen in front of them displayed some squiggles, Dr. Frog nodded and turned to Abuto. “Congratulations. Your baby is already a week old now. We can’t tell if it’s a boy or a girl just yet but one thing is for sure. It’s very healthy.”

Abuto took a deep breath to calm himself down and clenched his fists. “Doctor, yo. Quit joking with me, alright? There’s no fucking way I could get pregnant.”

Dr. Frog ignored his anger and adjusted his eyeglasses. “You’re pregnant alright. When a sperm cell fertilizes an egg cell –”

“I don’t have a damn egg cell!” Abuto yelled.

“Oh, but you do.” Dr. Frog stared at him impassively. “You’re a Kasshoku Yato, aren’t you?”

This time, Abuto stared back confusedly. “What?”

“Kasshoku Yato,” the doctor repeated tonelessly. “The fastest reproducers of all the ten existing Yato subspecies. Both males and females of this race are capable of impregnating and getting pregnant. The only difference between the two so-called ‘sexes’ are the secondary sexual characteristics which are the effects of evolutionary specialization. The male members of the race have evolved to have hard, highly muscular bodies due to their specialty as frontal combatants. The females have evolved to have soft, voluptuous bodies because their body fat stored poisons intended for chemical warfare.”

Abuto opened his mouth and then closed it again, unable to say anything.

“Sadly,” the doctor continued, “only 0.001% of your race survived the Great War. And now, due to genetic mixing with other Yato races and species from other worlds, the current population of the pure-blooded Kasshoku is down to 0.000000002%.”

_That’s a lot of zeroes over there._

“Anyway,” the doctor croaked, “it’s easy to tell that you’re one of the rare pure-blooded Kasshoku due to your hair color, unique pigmentation and bone structure.” Dr. Frog looked at him and at Kamui who was standing beside him. “Since your husband belongs to the highly adaptable Shuiro-Ki hybrid Yato race, you are a highly compatible couple both genetically and sexually. And oh, since your kind reproduces really fast, your gestation period is only nine months. That means you will be able to give birth twice a year depending on the estimated dates of confinement.”

The doctor scurried a bit here and there until he handed Abuto a prescription, a cute-looking brochure with a baby rabbit on it and a small package of vitamins. “You Yato are a healthy bunch,” he croaked. “But to be on the safe side, we need to ensure that you get proper nutrition for yourself and your baby.”

When they were finally outside the clinic, Abuto let out the deep breath he didn’t know he had been holding. “Commander, yo. This is really bad. How do we explain this to the others?”

To that, Kamui only smiled. “If anyone says something bad about us, I’ll kill them. Simple, isn’t it?”

Abuto chuckled. So much for reputations. His Commander had always been a hot-headed brat who attacked first and asked questions later. “Well, how about the kid’s legal status?”

Kamui faced him with a serious look. “Of course it’ll be my legitimate kid. We’ll get married immediately.”

“Ah, in case you forgot, I’d need to tell my mother about it.”

“Then let’s tell her together during the wedding ceremony.”

“You bonehead! My mom is a traditional old bat. If we don’t tell her _before_ the wedding day, she’ll kill me! And anyways, we can just cohabit, right? If I married you, I’d be a battered wife for sure. Have mercy on me, Commander, yo.”

“Well, you can always batter me back. Besides, you already nag me so much and we’re not even married yet.”

Abuto couldn’t find a retort to that so he only shrugged and stared at the never-ending stars littering the vastness of space. Suddenly, a voice spoke in his head…

_‘Imagine a city full of people ruthlessly pursuing wealth, fame and self-improvement, at any cost? Where everyone you met was either a celebrity, trying to be a celebrity, or used to be a celebrity? Where nature's bounty meant you could enjoy perfect weather all year round? Where the air was so good you could literally see and taste it? Dare to dream, because that city exists.’_

When he turned to his right, he saw his Commander smiling at him like crazy.

_Crap. I need to play GTA V._

.

.

**_Ten months later_ **

Gintoki and Shinpachi stared hard at Kagura. She was blushing hard, eyes flowing with tears of joy.

They stared at the photo that made her cry so prettily. It was captioned Pappy, Kamui, Kamui’s wife, and Kamui’s baby. A bouncy child with ash brown hair and blue eyes sat on Umibouzu’s lap while Kamui and Abuto sat beside them.

Gintoki’s eyebrow twitched in confused understanding while Shinpachi literally brain-freezed.

“These Yato guys are scary.”

.

.

**おわり**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fanfiction features references from other anime such as Laputa: The Castle in the Sky, Yu Yu Hakusho, Hunter X Hunter, Naruto, Boruto, Shaman King, Berserk, and Magic Knight Rayearth. Also contains references from games such as Pou, DS Nintendo, Megadrive/Sega Genesis, Fatal Frame: Maiden of Black Water, Grand Theft Auto and Counter Strike.


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